What To Say When Asked: “What Do You Do All Day?”

rolling my eyes every time I get asked, “What do you do all day?”

I hate the phrase “what do you do all day?”.
 
The phrase invokes all kinds of stabby feelings towards the asker. To me it comes across as though they think I’m not good enough to hold down a job, I’m taking up space for someone more useful, I’m lazy, or unmotivated. I’m neither of these and neither are you, thank you very much.
 
In case you were wondering (but probably not because I’m not that interesting), I get asked this a lot by friends and family – even when I am gainfully employed. A succinct “leave me the fuck alone” or “whatever” simply will not do because the chances of getting called out as being bratty or childish is beneath us. We are much better than that.
 
Over the ten years that I’ve been an on-again-off-again professional, I’ve mastered a few bitchy retorts. Here are my top four go-to responses surely to induce extreme eye roll.
 
Asker: What do you do all day?
Me: Absolutely nothing. Except for looking for work and improving on my skills. Oh yeah, and touching myself. You?

Asker: What do you do all day?
Me: Money is tight right now so I started “freelancing” my skills for night time, if you catch my drift. Didn’t I see you on the corner of main and 2nd two days ago? It was really late. I waved but you didn’t wave back. In fact, you looked like you were busy with a friend and in a hurry. I’m sure this will come up when I catch up with your wife when she comes back from her business trip. Hey, where are you going? I’m talking to you.
 
Asker: What do you do all day?
Me: I’m preparing for the zombie apocalypse. What do you do all day?
 
(this one is my favourite and it makes everyone uncomfortable)
Asker: What do you do all day?
Me: Looking for work and trying not to have panic attacks, because yes, I am in an incredibly shitty situation and doing my best to not compare myself to my peers who are probably living comfortably and moving forward with his or her life. My confidence is down, and I would really appreciate your support and help instead of asking stupid questions like “what do you do all day?”

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